My faith teaches me that my moments of desperation never go unnoticed. That the shrieks of my soul in times of calamity, fear, and lament are indeed seen and felt and responded to by Abba Father. Were it not for the assurance of this truth I would indeed be hopeless today. I’d give up perhaps. I don’t know what all I feel. I’m so sad. I don’t even have the strength to be angry because of my shock, sadness, grief, and woe.
This morning like the rest of us I woke up to the CNN alerts giving us the news of Alton Sterling’s tragic death. It is hard to not look at this video footage and call it anything but murder. But I’m not writing to be political. I’m writing to keep from losing it tonight and bursting in tears when I hold my son tonight. Because that’s all I want to do–pick him up and squeeze him with love and promise to never let him go.
I watched that video. And I saw the blood. And the madness. And the rage. And the last gasps for air from a man I do not know…yet remain thoroughly convinced could be me. Or worse. My boy. Lord Jesus I am grieving. l’m scared.
I don’t have a point. I just needed to write. And release. And hope. My wife and son are about to come to my office after her meeting and I need to write lest I burst into tears when they walk in.
So let me rehearse the truth. Jesus died for me. He died because of the hopelessness that is our sin. He took all our grief and woe upon His shoulders. He allowed His flesh to be pierced and His blood to be shed. The ugliness of sin He has vanquished and wiped out for all eternity. And my hope is in Him. He is my victor. My peacemaker. My restorer. My hope. Bid me to do your will O God. We are listening.